SHIFT 53 | Shame Isn’t the Way—Knowing the Need Under Your Coping Gives You Choice

Sometimes the feeling that's asking to be soothed is the one you've been trying hardest to ignore.

In this episode, Mandi Lynne traces the shame cycle back to its source: a neglected need. She shares her own go-to soothes, how they once protected her, and how to catch the loop early enough to choose something that truly meets the need underneath. Rather than judging your coping mechanisms, you'll learn to see them as the best tools you had, and to build new, healthier ones that become the new familiar.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why the shame cycle is really a neglected needs cycle
• The difference between an immediate and a distant coping mechanism
• How to build a backup list of healthier ways to soothe
• Three questions to ask when you're triggered

Before you go, ask yourself: what am I believing about myself right now, and what need might be unmet?

Begin your first shift at mandilynne.com

Learn more about the free 16-week School of Self Resources

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse or has survived it, support is available:

• National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24/7, or chat at online.rainn.org
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788, 24/7 Childhelp
• National Child Abuse Hotline (for survivors of any age): 1-800-422-4453 National Alliance for
• Eating Disorders Helpline: 1-866-662-1235
• SAMHSA National Helpline (substance use and mental health): 1-800-662-4357, free, 24/7
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988
• For a deeper dive on eating disorders and sexual abuse recovery, explore the One Life Living Library.